The biggest battle is the one you cannot see

Photo taken by my dad on the start line of my first half ironman in Taupo 2012

Kia ora guys,

Firstly I want to thank everyone for their congratulations last week after my half ironman in Tauranga and after an incredible result it is amazing to hear that my journey inspires more people than I could ever imagine which after a few conversations has inspired this week’s post.

I don't hear or read a lot about guys talking openly about their struggles so, I thought I would open up and give you a few pages out of my book which has made me the man I am today with the hope that someone can relate and perhaps use my journey to reconnect with their "inner strength" this is obviously not a triathlon related post but I hope the message of how I worked through my struggles gives someone comfort in knowing there is a light at the end of any tunnel.

If we turn back a few pages to 7 years ago when I moved back to New Zealand after a 12 month “roller coaster” people saw a guy who was happy, bubbly and like a big cuddly teddy bear but that was a cover to hide the biggest battle that you could not see which I believe was (self-diagnosed) depression where every day I fought with myself over who I once was, who I am and who I believed I should be. I never had the opportunity to address it due to my mentality of maintaining a strong exterior that I had my sh*t together, which at the time was my approach to deal with it.

I have spent time self-reflecting over the last month and looked at old photos/posts and it's amazing how I can look back and realise how a lot of what I was posting was me trying to find comfort in who I was and I lost sight of what was actually important which was living in the moment.

If I could describe the feeling to you it was like I had a dark cloud over me and no matter how many positive people were around me or what we all have the ability to achieve in life I lost complete sight of it and slowly I would feel like nothing is possible and no matter what I thought I might be able to do, it would always stop me from starting.

It wasn't until I went on a trip with my brother though USA and Canada when I was 24 and at 118kg' that I had my fire lit.
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After a run along Venice beach (Where I think I did only 1km and had to stop) my brother reached out to me and he didn’t just ask the question "Are you ok?" which is easy to just brush off… he was the first person to do so and I needed that. When I think back to it I can feel the emotions rush through my body. James (My brother) only now knows how much of an impact he had on me that’s day, where he got me focused once again and reminded me that actually anything is possible and funny enough the first thing that came to mind when we talked about getting back fit was when I watched Terenzo Bozzone in Taupo at Ironman NZL (At this stage I had never done a triathlon) so.... with that said Shake and Bake bro 👊🏽

This is what kick-started my journey with triathlons and when I got back from the trip I set my goal and registered for my first half ironman (The first of many).

The half Ironman that I registered for was the 2012 Taupo half ironman but first I had gone through the five golden rules;

1. Set goals that motivate you: this means making sure that they are important to you and not someone else, this is so you can see the value in achieving them.

2. Using SMART (You can google this) to make sure you set realistic goals and time frames around achieving them: for me this was doing a half ironman in sub 6 hours by the 8th December at Taupo half ironman. I knew by setting this goal I would achieve my smaller goals along the way.

3. Write down your goals to make sure you are reminded of them: for me this was in my mirror where I put the IM logo around the outside of my mirror with the event inside to remind me every day of what my goal was.

4. Make an action plan: for me this was downloading a triathlon plan off beginner triathlete to get me started but one of the key points was joining a local tri squad and entering local events.

5. STICK WITH IT: I have mentioned this a lot lately that one of the key components in your training is stick to the plan and train consistently to see the results.

The above is what got my triathlon journey started and through the process of chasing a goal I re-discovered who I was, what I wanted and by focusing on it over 5 years got me to where I am today. I'm now very positive/optimistic and I look at problems as though they present opportunities.Through training I have learnt that it gives me a clear mind and through cleaning what I eat (80% of the time lol) I have learnt what effect sugar can have on our energy levels and demotivated us, I still face demons from time to time with "body image" insecurities, which by being aware of I have learnt that we tend to focus on what we don't like about ourselves over what we should focus on, but most importantly it is important to learn to love your-self otherwise, how can anyone else?

We all need to feel empowered to be the best versions of ourselves, it's not always easy and at times and we can lose sight of it. I am thankful to have people close to me who support and push me to be the best I can be so, I am sure you do too, sometimes you just need to reach out and don’t worry, it's not a sign of weakness,if anything it shows how strong you are 👊

ROBO

"We can do any we want, the trick is, it's usually waiting for us just beyond our comfort zone"